Episode 34

Edit episode

Transcript and notes copied from the original Catholic Frequency site. Drag note cards to reorder them before saving in the future admin workflow.

View public page Original site

Episode metadata

Title

Status

Release date and time

Public description

Episode transcript47,645 chars

Catholic Frequency : Welcome to episode 35 of the Catholic Frequency Podcast. In this episode, we talk to an ex account called Ways of a Gentleman, and he runs an account about style, culture, and etiquette for the modern man. And so we start our conversation with a simple question. What is a gentleman?
Ways of a Gentleman : Yeah. I think, you know, this is, something I've thought a lot about. And, I think, unfortunately, when when some people think of a gentleman, they may think of, the old aristocracy. Right? Or they may think of someone that's rather, you know, perhaps snooty or puts themselves above other other people.
I I think it's far more than that. Certainly, you know, good manners and and exercising proper etiquette, that's all part of it, but that's not everything. And I think it first and foremost, a gentleman is someone who, you know, has character and integrity. You know, they do the right thing when no one is looking. So that's that's, to me, the biggest thing.
And then secondly, you know, he's not a snob. Right? A gentleman is someone that really goes out of their way to make others feel comfortable in every situation. And I was taught a long time ago that that that actually is the purpose of etiquette. Right?
So that you feel comfortable in every situation, and it kind of presents a a level playing field for everyone. And then lastly, I would say, you know, a gentleman also is is able to portray a a level of confidence that perhaps others don't. Right? How they carry themselves matters. And there's a lot that goes into that.
Certainly, it's it's, you know, personal appearance, how you carry yourself, good posture, all those sorts of things. But when I think of a gentleman, that's kind of the different things that I think about.
Catholic Frequency : Very well said. And, you have an article on your substack about that, what is a gentleman. So if anybody wants to, look up your substack, they can follow you there and also sort of read kinda what you just said, but in a little more detail. Looking at your account, it looks like you started last August, and you have over 10,000 followers. That's pretty impressive growth.
Let me just ask you, why did you wanna start writing about this? Why did you start this account? And it took me five years to get to 10,000 people, so how did you do it so fast?
Ways of a Gentleman : Well, you know, it's it's funny. I was on, you know, previously, I was on Twitter, and and I remember it was around 02/2022 or '23. You know, I was looking at a lot of political stuff. And my wife had said to me, you know, you were you're just more angry. You need to get off social media.
So I made a pact with her. I said, okay. I'm I'm gonna start only looking at things that, revolve around, you know, good things in life. Beauty, history, philosophy, religion, those sorts of things. So that's what I did, really in earnest in 2024.
And of course, once I started doing that, I began to find other accounts that I thought did they just really resonated with me. Right? Like yours and Evan Amato and Sean Barubi, you know, people like that that that really I thought, you know what, I really enjoyed the writing about. And I've always, you know, wanted to write about etiquette and being a gentleman. So in August, I said, you know, I'm just gonna create this account, and see where it goes.
Right? And, I I realized really early on that, you know, just writing about good manners or etiquette, there's not a whole lot of people that are interested in that. Right? So I broadened it a bit to other areas that appeal to me to include, you know, history and art and culture. But then also just researching some of those men from the past that perhaps, they have learned lessons that we can emulate.
So those are the kind of things that I've written about. And I was really lucky early on because, you know, reaching out to some of those different accounts that I mentioned, you know, they were very, you know, more than willing to bend over backwards and and kinda guide me. Culture Explorer was a big one. He he really provided a lot of mentorship to me on and off for several months. And then, of course, just the hard lessons that I've learned along the way.
But, yeah, it's been wonderful. And I do have the luxury of, having retired from the army last year. So I do have a lot more time on my hands than than most people.
Catholic Frequency : You know, I was thinking when we go to I was sort of contrasting it with when I was younger. When you go to an event, used to you somebody like the MC would get up to say, and they'd say, ladies and gentlemen. I don't know that I hear that as often today. Do you think something has been lost in our twenty first century culture, which is this notion of, you know, it's not just a woman, it's a lady, and it's not just a guy, it's a gentleman. What have we lost in the last couple of decades or so?
Ways of a Gentleman : Boy, I think you're you're spot on with that. I I do think we've we have lost something. And and I noticed that trend, you know, over the last twenty twenty years or so. And I have to wonder if there's, you know, if social media plays a part in that. Right?
Where people are are because they're online, they're willing to say and do things that they might not might not otherwise have done. Right? Whether it's something they say or, you know, take your pic, photos that they may take of themselves, that sort of thing. And with that, of course, now we've lost that meaning, what it means to be a lady and a gentleman. Not everyone, of course.
I think it's still very important to to to many people. But writ large, yeah, I think you're you're spot on. It's it's not what it used to be. Or, sadly, in some cases, I think people may have a a negative it may have a negative connotation. As I mentioned earlier, some people may associate that with being a snob, and and that's not the case at all.
Catholic Frequency : You mentioned looking at men from the past that you admire Name a few men from the past you admire whether it be, you know actors or sports stars or who are some good role models for guys today that might look back into the past?
Ways of a Gentleman : Yeah. Well, you know, first and foremost, I'm just a I'm I'm a really big fan of George Washington. You know, when when you read about him, certainly a fantastic leader and and thankfully he was the first, president of our country, but an all around gentleman. Right? The the way he he assisted people.
He did never lost his temper. He was well rounded. Right? And despite kind of being a country gentleman, was was well read, even knew how to to dance. So that's the first person that always comes to my mind is George Washington.
And then another George is George Marshall. You know, having, you know, been a army officer myself, I always looked for those examples of men that I can emulate and that's another one who was, by all accounts always steady, right, and had that that presence that other men lacked and was able to lead because of it.
Catholic Frequency : Earlier, you were talking about, you know, a gentleman does the right thing. I don't know if I don't remember if you used the word virtue, but you might have. But, you know, a virtuous person, you know, which we think about virtues were taught in our schools in the past in classical education. Nowadays, in education, people are taught this very selfish idea of what freedom is. Right?
It basically the modern definition is indulge your passions, nobody can tell you what to do, you define your own truth, that sort of stuff. And that really wasn't the case in the past. We we were taught about the cardinal virtues of prudence and temperance, fortitude and justice, which I would I would define as all characters of of what you're talking about, a gentleman. But what I love about your account is because anybody can have an account on one topic, but is when people curate things that are interesting interesting to them, and then it becomes something so unique. Again, anybody could do an account on style or Catholic or whatever, but it's sort of that layering of your different interests where I think we find, sort of synergy with other people.
We sort of vibe with them. And I like what you mix. You mix culture, style, etiquette, and adventure. And one of the things I saw in your substack was, talking about one of the things that we've been lost in the past was the handwritten note. Talk about that.
Now somebody would just send me a text and say, hey. Thanks. I wouldn't probably get a handwritten note unless you wrote me one. But, what has been lost and how big how big was that in our culture in the past?
Ways of a Gentleman : Yeah. You know, I was really lucky as as a young man. You know, I grew up in the South. And, in fact, I I remember in in high school getting my first set of personalized stationery, and being taught to write handwritten notes. And, you know, I found throughout my professional career in the army and and throughout my personal life, I I always just made a point to do that because I thought it was the right thing to do.
And, yeah, it's something that, like you said, it's it's kind of lost in today's society. So much, you know, easier and quicker to shoot a text or an email, but I think you lose some of the the the genuine sincerity with a text or an email. Right? Anybody can can do that. But when you sit down and just put pen to paper and write a few lines about your your gratitude, and it doesn't have to be a gift.
Right? It could be someone that, you know, perhaps a mentor, someone that's guided you or impacted your life, that resonates with someone. And I tell you, I've had I can't count the number of times when someone has come back to me after receiving a note and they said, wow. I, you know, I haven't received something like this in years. And, it actually I'll be honest with you.
I mean, I I don't do it for for gain at all. But there's been so many times in my professional life where it has led to more opportunities because people really appreciated the note. And, yeah, I would encourage anybody if you if you're not in the habit of writing notes, it's something to to start doing now.
Catholic Frequency : Yeah. I think it's the kind of thing if you received a a thank you note, a handwritten note, and it's on some nice stationery. It's something you might put in your desk drawer to say if you really appreciate it more than again, just a, you know, a text, you know, on your iPhone when you've got a hundred thousand other texts. There's a quote you posted from Cicero on your account. Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.
That's interesting. What does that quote sort of resonate with you?
Guest 1 : Yeah.
Ways of a Gentleman : I think it's just, you know, it starts there. Right? You know, as a Christian, of course, you know, grateful for the the my life and the opportunities that God has blessed me with. And if you're not grateful for that, man, you're you're setting yourself up for a lot of heartache in life. Right?
You're thinking more about what you don't have as opposed to what you do have. And I think that gratitude also extends to to those we share our lives with, whether it be family or friends. Just recognizing that, hey, we we have it pretty good. And those people that are put in our lives despite maybe having issues with them at times or them not being perfect, we should be grateful to have them in our lives. And and if you can extend that that gratitude in in other ways, whether it be, you know, doing something for someone, writing them a note to show that sincere appreciation, I think it goes a long ways, not just for them, but for you as well.
Catholic Frequency : Now one of the things I see you post from time to time is poetry. What does poetry have to do with a gentleman? You know, I I think of a gentleman, I don't know, I think of somebody smoking a cigar, reading, you know, Chesterton or something. But poetry, what tell us about that.
Ways of a Gentleman : Yeah. You know, it's the, I think that's another area that's kind of lost on today's men. And, of course, yeah. I was an infantry officer and later a military intelligence officer, so I spent a lot of time in the army. And it was poetry was something you didn't see very often, right?
It's perhaps not considered manly in today's world, but the one poem that always stood out with me and it's one that I had read again going all the way back to high school was If by Rudyard Kipling. And if you've ever read that poem, man it just really lays out very clearly and distinctly you're gonna face some challenges in life, but if you can overcome them, you know, that's what it means to be a man. And I've had that that poem, framed and on my wall ever since then. Since I was probably 16 or 17. And over time I began to well, you know, I read other poetry like The Charge of the Light Brigade perhaps or or Invictus by Henley.
Those types of poems that I think once upon a time men were very good at expressing themselves in that way whether it be to talk about the challenges of warfare, to express their love for a lady. And, it always just resonates. I I love to go back and read lesser known poems for that reason, to see how these men were able to, you know, take those feelings and emotions and put them on paper. Unfortunately, I think that is a bit lost on us today.
Catholic Frequency : Let me ask you, what is your opinion of how men and women dress today? When I was younger and would fly on an airplane, you know, people kinda dressed up. Now they're practically in their pajamas. I mean, I wouldn't look in the mirror wearing some of the things I see people on airplanes. What what's your opinion of of, like, dress?
Ways of a Gentleman : Oh my goodness. Yeah. Oh my goodness. You're you're you're hitting a, that that is one of my pet peeves. And, yeah.
And I hate to say it, I talk about it so much, that even my my youngest, my nine year old, even he'll say, dad, I just he he won't even wear pajamas to school on pajama day. I'm like, buddy, that's okay. That's an exception. Alright? But, yeah.
I I think it's almost again, because people, in my opinion, they spend so much time at home. Their social interactions may only be some, you know, online or or video games. So they don't mind going out in public, having not shaven or showered, wearing, you know, their Crocs and their pajamas. And certainly there are times where I get it, it's an emergency situation, maybe you got a sick kid, something like that. But I think there's something to be said for stepping it up a little bit when you go out, particularly if you're gonna go out and travel and be on an airplane.
And, that's another area that I think is kind of lost. But hey, you know, just something as simple as putting on a sport coat, Right? You could do that with jeans and a nice pair of shoes and you you stand out. It looks sharp. You don't have to wear a tie necessarily.
But taking pride of your parents is a big thing and I think it gives you a sense of confidence when you do that. Not that you're better than other people, but you feel like you can take on the world when you're you're you've you're dressed well and you're walking with a, you know, good posture and and a firm back. You just perform better, in my opinion.
Catholic Frequency : Yeah. In the old days for young women for young girls, they had what those finishing schools, right, where they would teach them how to walk gracefully and and etiquette and stuff like that. You've got a picture I think this is Rock Hudson, isn't it? I'm not sure. You've got a picture that full men could pull off the ascot.
Why is that why is that cool?
Ways of a Gentleman : Yeah. I think it's Cary Grant. I don't have it in front of me. But, I I just like I like that look. I I think there's a, kind of an old school look now.
I'm I'm admittedly, I'm I'm extremely traditional and conservative, but I I like the old Hollywood way of dressing. Right? There's no sense in you they don't they didn't have to, you know, show every, you know, curve of their body if they're a lady, nor did men have to, dress lovingly like they do now than in some cases. But they took pride in their appearance. Right?
Maybe it's a coat with a an ascot or, you know, wearing a tuxedo out at night to go to a formal event. And, I really you know, I don't always do that, but I like to find ways to stand out when I dress. And, I love those old photos of folks like, Errol Flynn or Cary Grant or, Frank Sinatra, those kind of folks. Right? That where you can say, wow.
They were really sharply dressed. How how can I do that today and and do it in a way that doesn't you know, not not so traditional, perhaps with a modern flare?
Catholic Frequency : I was looking through your feed, and, it's probably hard today to find, politicians who we think of as noble. You mentioned, George Washington. Are there any maybe from the early part of the twentieth century that just as a guy that you admired?
Ways of a Gentleman : That's that's a tough one. Yeah. Yeah.
Catholic Frequency : Well, I ask because you like, you have a you have a quote from, like, Winston Churchill. Of course, he's dressed very well. You know, he's got a cane, but he's he's dressed, you know, to the nines. Again, back back to those days where people took more pride in their appearance. It's really interesting how just I mean, you go to church now and you'll see people, you'll see pastors in jeans.
You know, when I was younger and went to church, the pastor was in a suit and had a tie and
Guest 2 : Right.
Catholic Frequency : Now it's like a tight t shirt and well, not at my church, thankfully. But but, you know, some of these people you see on TV. So it's like, what is going on?
Ways of a Gentleman : Yeah. No. I I agree. Certainly, Churchill stands out for a variety of reasons. But, yeah, in in terms of of how people dress, I I noticed that at church myself and, it's funny at our church we have a more contemporary early service, and a more traditional layer service.
And, my family and I are divided on this because, you know, I am the traditionalist. So I will go to the early service with them and I am wearing what I was what I've always worn, a jacket and tie or perhaps a suit. And you're right. I stand out in that that format. Now that that's wrong.
People can wear it if they want. I'm glad they're at church. But then you go to the traditional service where there's, the older generation and they certainly, are more likely to wear a suit and tie. Right? Yeah.
There's there's certain certainly a generational gap there, but, it I think modesty also has something to do with it in in some regards. Right? And I don't mean perhaps within church, but out in public. In some sense, people don't have the modesty that they once did. And I see this to some extent with with young ladies, and and this perhaps an unpopular opinion, but wearing tights that show every curve of their body.
I I I don't necessarily agree with that. Right? If you're gonna wear tights, certainly, you know, why don't you wear a long sweater or something that covers all your curves so you're not showing, everybody what God gave you. Right? But, people feel like that's okay today.
Catholic Frequency : Yeah. I think there's like a mystery that's lost. You know, some things are better left to the imagination and not shared with everybody. But I think and we've lost that in the culture. We've lost that along with virtue and etiquette.
It's, it's it's the culture has become more secular and more me, me, me. It's what I feel is my desires, away from our duties to our fellow citizens and to God. It's, society has definitely suffered. It certainly is the I talk about this a lot that the family is the foundation of civilization. So as the family has broken up more and more since the sexual revolution, all of these things I think are sort of symptoms of, you know, the really the attack on the family.
Do you think that's a far out idea or do you think it's related?
Ways of a Gentleman : Oh, I I think you're you're spot on. Yeah. I was, extremely blessed to come from a family that was very close and tight knit. Not just my parents, but my aunts and uncles. I had great relationships with them.
Lots of male mentors that taught me right from wrong. And and again, a lot of the things that I talk about and post, it's things that I I was blessed to learn as a young man. Right? And there were examples that I could emulate my life. And unfortunately, yeah, I I saw this quite often in the army where young men, they just simply you know, I I would find this out usually the hard way.
Perhaps a young man gets in trouble for something. And once you dig into it, you realize this this is the this guy's from a broken home. He's from he's the first person in his family to to get out of that neighborhood. And he's longing for some sense of belonging. He's longing for someone to guide and teach him.
And, yeah. Unfortunately, I think that is a lot of the reason we face some of the challenges we do in today's society because a lot of young men don't get out of that neighborhood. Right? And they, unfortunately, are following the wrong examples or no example at all.
Catholic Frequency : Another thing you post on your feed from time to time is books that grab your attention. And you recently posted about the legendary book from Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Why does that book resonate with you?
Ways of a Gentleman : Oh, man. So this is a, one of my favorite books of all time. It's, when I first read this, oh goodness, I was somewhere sometime in college. And, one of my professors had had mentioned it. I thought, well, I'm gonna check this out.
And as I read through, I thought this just makes sense. You don't have to be a jerk in life. Right? I mean, certainly, one might say you have to be Machiavellian to to get ahead and you're right. But on the other end of the spectrum, you you can follow Del Carnegie's approach and and be a genuinely good human and take others' feelings into account and I would argue still be equally as successful.
I certainly gotta watch your back because the Machiavellians will will probably try to stab you in the back when you're kind to them. But, yeah, Dale Carnegie is one of those ones that I've really wanted to write about. I wanna expand on it a bit more on Substack. And that's that's one of the reasons I wanted Substack, by the way, is Twitter or x now is is fantastic. But I really wanted to dive deeper into some of these topics, and Dale Carnegie's book is one of those.
Catholic Frequency : One of the principles from the book is don't criticize, condemn, or complain. I think I think this is a quote. Any fool can criticize, condemn, or complain, and most fools do, but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.
Ways of a Gentleman : Yeah. That's great, isn't it? I I love that quote. He's right. It's easy to to criticize and and I I think, you know, certainly you when you criticize someone, some people take that as attack.
Now I think feedback is the gift, so it's all on how you phrase it. But being critical of people doesn't usually go over very well. And if you if you I was taught, in the in the army, you know, you you praise in public, you criticize in private. But I learned early on is that when you're when you're offering that criticism, you gotta be polished in how you do it. I always I I used to criticism sandwich.
Right? I I offer something positive, give them some constructive feedback or criticism, and then finish with something positive. And so, yeah, that principle is is fantastic. Not easy to do, but certainly something to aspire to.
Catholic Frequency : Yeah. In my twenties, I worked in radio, and I over the course of the time I was in radio, I had some good bosses and some terrible ones. And the terrible ones would, you know, they would listen to you on the radio on the air, and they would critique you. Either they'd call you right then and said that's was sucked what you just said or how you said it, or you'd meet with them once a week and they would kinda go over some things. But the best boss I ever had would would do kinda what you just said.
He would always say, hey, you know, I was listening to you on Sunday or whatever. And when you talked about so and so, that was really good. I liked how you did that. And then he would say, can I give you a suggestion? He's like, right after that, you said this, and I think it'd have been better.
Or what if he did had done it this like, you know, he was given praise that was genuine, which, you know, you let your guard down and, you know, they're on your side. And then you're much more receptive to, you know, this is somebody who wants to help you versus this is somebody who wants to tell you, you know, judge you and tell you what you did wrong. Big difference.
Ways of a Gentleman : Huge. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. And, you know, I saw this throughout my professional life. Yes.
Some people well, they will criticize you and condemn you very quickly, and not offer any kind of substance or feedback that's gonna help you get better. And I think the leader that can do that stands out.
Catholic Frequency : Another one of the principles from that book is be genuinely interested in other people. I feel blessed being on x because I get to talk to people that I find interesting just like we're doing today. You and I have followed each other and interacted in the group we're in, but we've never, like, I never heard your voice, like, we've never spoken. And so x really has this amazing way of connecting people. And, again, building like minded, building sort of a fraternity of people that have similar interests, you know, beyond what I could form where I live.
I'm I'm just meeting so many interesting people all over the world. I have friends in Australia and The Philippines now and Scotland and just various places. It's, if you found that to be equally true.
Ways of a Gentleman : Oh, yeah. I I tell you what, it's it's it's so funny. I I found myself now referring to people on acts or my mutuals as friends and my wife will sometimes I'll say, a friend of mine mentioned this. And she'll say, was it a person a friend on x or or one of your friends here? It doesn't matter.
They're my friends. Alright? I may not I may not have met them in person, but you feel a genuine connection to those people, right? Like you said, it's almost a fraternity or bond that develops because we're, you know, you find like minded individuals. But yeah, it's I do think, you know, going back to that principle that Carnegie talks about, I think it's important in everyday life to show that genuine interest in other people.
You know, again going back to some of the changes in society over the last few years is, we want everything our way. We want it fast. Right? And and we're going to tend to think about ourselves instead of others. And that's that's not necessarily the best way to go through life.
And, you know, the quote that Carnegie has on that, he says, you can make more friends in two months by being interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people to be interested in you. And, I I think that again, the great thing about x is finding people that have that genuine interest. You get to learn about them. You don't have to go out and talk about yourself. You're learning about them.
I think that's a beautiful
Catholic Frequency : thing. It's so true. I was recently on a trip with about 10 people and and some of them were, you know, significant people in in my industry. And, the president of our organization said, wow, they really like talking to you. And I was like, what because there were other people on the trip that when they would talk, they were all talking about themselves.
But, I mean, I was interested in them and so I was asking them questions. So it wasn't that they were talking to me so much as they were just sharing their story. And it's so true. It really is true to be what does it take you think to be a good listener? Because that I think that's a lost art.
A lot of times we'll say, hey. How are you? And we really don't wanna know. We just wanna say, hey. How are you?
And you say, oh, I'm fine. How are you? But what does it take to really be a good listener?
Ways of a Gentleman : Yeah. I've I've thought a lot about this. And I know I I like to watch other people, particularly, you know, I think you can learn a lot from good leaders. But in my case, I've learned a lot from bad leaders too. Right?
And I begin to notice is is, as an army officer, when I whenever I would talk to a senior leader, there were those who clearly were preoccupied with something else, and weren't paying attention to me. Right? And those are the folks that are still on their phone while you're trying to have a conversation with them, or they're typing something on their keyboard and they're my my favorite phrase, they'll say, oh, I'm listening. Keep going. No.
They're not. They're they're they're engrossed in whatever. They're doing the computer. And then conversely, I would have, you know, those leaders who one in particular, in his office, he would stop what he's doing. And if he didn't come sit down beside you on the couch there, he would step away from his desk physically and just look at you in the eye while you spoke.
Right? I think that's really important to when you can when you can do that and just allow allow the person, to say what they gotta say and then ask follow-up questions. Right? I think that's important. People feel like you're listening to them.
So I've always tried to emulate that. And and I found that, yeah, people appreciate it. Now, again, with this with this generation, I've I've found myself also counseling, younger people on why you should not be on your phone. Like if if I'm talking to you, please put your phone away. That that that ding or that text is almost Pavlovian, right?
The ding. They want to get their phone out and check it. Well that tells me instantly you're not paying attention to what I'm saying. And I don't feel valued when they do that. Right?
So, yeah, in my opinion, there's there's a lot to be said for just that that focus on the person that's talking to you.
Catholic Frequency : About twenty years ago, there was a sort of a a self help kind of a new age hippie dippie self help book, but it was called The Power of Now. I think it's hard for people because most people are not living in the moment. They're either stuck in the past, they're remembering, you know, regrets or they're mad at somebody what somebody did two weeks ago or they're worried about the future. They're they're either the very few people I think are actually in the moment, which I think is necessary to be a good listener. I can't really listen to you if I'm thinking about, well, as soon as this is over, I'm going to dinner and I'm gonna have, you know, ravioli or whatever.
Do you think that's true? Like, being in the moment is is is I think it's harder though in our in our fast paced society.
Ways of a Gentleman : Yeah. I think I think you're right. It's it kinda goes back to, you know, when you're learning how to be a good conversationalist, you know, you're taught to focus on what the other person is saying and don't think about your response. Right? Because you once you begin thinking about what you're gonna say in response to the to what they're saying, you're not really listening anymore.
The same can be said again if you're sitting behind your desk and that computer screen is kind of, you know, in your peripheral vision, you're gonna start focusing on what's coming up on that screen as opposed to the person that's talking to you. And I think that's, again, something that they can be lost on young people that grow up with a screen in their face twenty four hours a day.
Catholic Frequency : If anybody wants to ask a question or share a thought, you can request, the microphone. We were talking earlier about making friends on x. I've had the blessing of actually meeting two ex friends, in person. One about six weeks ago and one actually last week, less than a week ago. I live in a place where people pass through from time to time, so it's a little bit easier.
But it's funny because I told somebody I was meeting an ex friend and they're like, why are you meeting former friends? I'm like, no, ex, like the social media ex, not like
Guest 1 : That's right.
Catholic Frequency : Ex, like an ex wife or something. No, ex friends. What do you Do you
Ways of a Gentleman : feel the same way? Am I? Sorry. Go ahead.
Catholic Frequency : No. No. No. It's it's it's interesting. But, I wanted to ask you just in terms of, like, where do you see your account going?
Are you going to continue to just do what you're doing now and continue to I mean, you're you're growing so rapidly. Do you have some things you wanna sort of you said you started Substack to kinda either I was it to get to new to do new things or to maybe just go deeper into what you're already doing?
Ways of a Gentleman : Yeah. To to kinda go deeper. You know, let's see. I'm a writer, so I've I've written in the past a lot of, you know, articles when I was in the army. But I've also written a lot of other things.
I've I've actually I've worked on a book previously about etiquette. So so, you know, Substack allows me to dig a little deeper into some of those topics x. So certainly want to, you know, continue to expand on x and and work on some of those topics, but expand on Substack. And then, hopefully, within the next couple of months months, I'll publish the, the e book the e book, Ways of a Gentleman, and that, ideally will be, you know, 50 items that I think every young man could be, could be useful to them as they venture out into the world.
Catholic Frequency : One of the important things I think is harder for guys these days is are, like, male friendships, like fraternity. In the past, there were, like, I think, more social places where it's kinda just the guys. I don't know really where it is now, if it's a cigar club or or what it is, but do you think there's something lost in in is it harder for guys to make friends today than it was, you know, in the nineties?
Ways of a Gentleman : I think so. Yeah. And you would say, and again, I apologize for continuing to to reference my my previous life in the army, but I I saw this in the army as well when I first came in in the late nineties. There were still a a great deal of fraternity. There were you know, you had an officer's club, a noncommissioned officer's club.
People would go there after work to talk about the day, maybe have a beer, and we we also, you know, had a lot of the traditions. So whether a dining out where you take a date to a formal event or a dining in where it's just the men within that unit, and it's an opportunity for fellowship and fraternity. And, of course, with the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, a lot of those things kind of fell to the wayside, and a lot of those clubs that were once prevalent on military bases are gone. They don't even have them anymore. And now we see that in society as well.
I mean, I think about some of my neighbors in my neighborhood who, unfortunately, I don't know because they open their garage door, they drive in, they shut their garage door before they even get out of their car. It's hard to build a relationship with those types of people. So, yeah, I do think it's I think it's supremely important to have those relationships, for for many different reasons. Right? But it's harder to do so in today's society.
And and there there are different, you know, groups that exist that you can join to do that sort of thing. But, yeah, I think having a a good circle of of friends, you know, iron sharpens iron. Right? So, you can surround yourself with with men of like minded values to keep you honest, but also make you better.
Catholic Frequency : If you like what you're hearing, please repost the space. You can also follow ways of the gentleman both here if you're not already, and also find him on Substack. We're actually both on Substack. You can go over there and follow us. And I see our friend, Humble Flow, in here.
He's got an amazing Substack too. If you wanna follow people that are writing about interesting things, do that. Let's, take a question from catholic listen lady. How are you?
Guest 1 : I am doing well.
Guest 2 : As well. Can you hear me okay?
Catholic Frequency : I can't really hear you okay. Maybe can you get closer to the phone? Or
Guest 2 : Is that better?
Ways of a Gentleman : Little bit.
Guest 1 : Okay. I'm gonna try to turn off my mic. I love the conversation. I'm really interested in learning on how to help my son
Guest 2 : discover, you know, better ways to to act like a gentleman,
Guest 1 : in relation to what I remember actually, what my dad would be teaching my brothers who were men who ended up going in the military. So, and I really appreciate what the military helped, one of my brothers would be married, but he his wife said that my mother could not have raised a better son. But I also think it would have a lot to do with the military training too. Now my little guy is only 16. So I'm just wondering, what would you advise a mom who's trying to teach her son gentlemanly ways?
Catholic Frequency : Alright. Waves of the gentleman, were you able to, hear hear that question?
Ways of a Gentleman : Yeah. I I think I caught most of it. The gist of it was, you know, what would what might you, say or or tell your 16 year old son, to help him form into a a gentleman. Is that does that digest of it?
Catholic Frequency : Yeah.
Ways of a Gentleman : Yeah. So a few things. Number one is just, you know, respect for other people, supremely important. But I think I think even greater than that is respect for ladies. Again, I'm grateful to have grown up in a time really before the Internet, but I think because of what's out there and it's so pervasive, it's it's easy to see ladies, not to be raw about this, but as a piece of meat instead of the virtuous ladies that they are.
Right? We should hold them in the highest regard. And I think that's lost on some men. I think the earlier that we can instill that in young men is that, you know, yes, have pride in yourself, but be respectful of ladies when others perhaps are not and maybe when they're not even respectful of themselves. But then going back also to, you know, how you carry yourself.
Again, it's not about, placing yourself on a pedestal or being better than other people. Far from it. But it's about being comfortable in every situation. You you learn some of those those tricks of etiquette and and polite manners, and you do that so that others not only do you feel comfortable, but they feel comfortable. And, you know, and I what I what one habit that I try to do and I try to teach my sons too is when you see someone struggling or someone having a difficult time, be the person that reaches out to them and just says, how are you doing?
And just offer a little bit of support. I think that goes a long ways, to being a gentleman, whether you're young or old. I hope that helps.
Catholic Frequency : I would just chime in. You know, it's important for for young teenagers to have good friends, virtuous friends.
Guest 3 : Oh, yes. Absolutely.
Catholic Frequency : We are the product of our environment. So if all my friends are into drugs and sex and liquor, then that's where I'm gonna be. And if we have, virtuous friends, maybe you meet him at church or whatever. So I would encourage you to to take an interest in who he's friends with. Now, it's really hard to tell a teenager you can be friends with that person.
That usually doesn't go over very well. Right. But you can probably try to steer it somehow. And also, I think it would be important if he had a mentor and maybe somebody older that's in their twenties or something that, again, is the kind of guy you would like him to grow up to be. So I think for a guy for a teenager to have a mentor, and maybe he has that in the family, but I think it's also important to have those outside of the family, as people wanna become their own person and they grow through their teenage years, you know, sometimes they wanna find validation outside the family because they already have it with the family.
Right? And so, I think that's normal and natural. So those are the things I would suggest. Finiti, how are you?
Guest 2 : I'm good. And you?
Ways of a Gentleman : Do you
Catholic Frequency : have a question for ways of the gentleman?
Guest 2 : Right. I do. I totally agree with what the co host was saying about pressing. Right? And then I found out I was guilty today because I tried to went out with just my single account to get something.
So I wanted to ask, addressing, does it, have an exception? Because where where where I stay right now, the temperature is almost, like, 39 degrees.
Ways of a Gentleman : Oh, sure. Yeah.
Guest 2 : Yeah. Yeah.
Ways of a Gentleman : I think
Guest 2 : So so I'm trying to marry the two perspectives together. I'm sure if okay. Do I get a pass or not?
Ways of a Gentleman : Yeah. I think there are exceptions, certainly. You know, weather or certainly if you're if you're in hot weather, you're not gonna wear a nice overcoat and a and a and a hat. Right. But I think I think you're right though.
But it's also about, taking pride in your appearance. Whether it's proper grooming, you know, shaving, combing your hair, that sort of thing. It's something as simple as hanging your clothes up so that they're free of wrinkles, and present a more positive appearance. It doesn't have to be a three piece suit to get via a nice t shirt and pants. And if it looks good and you're confident about what you're wearing, I think that goes a long ways.
Guest 2 : Okay. That's interesting. And lastly, why do you think young men are losing their seats in God nowadays? For me personally, I have these friends or it's peer groups. Yeah.
Early thirties. Some are saying there is no God. Some are going back to that picture or whatever. I'm just surprised what's happening. Do you have other perspectives to share?
Ways of a Gentleman : Yeah. I'm so sorry. You broke up on me.
Catholic Frequency : I think the question is why are why are young men, you know, turning away from God?
Ways of a Gentleman : Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, that's a that's a great question. I think it's it's a question that's probably, been on the minds of of society for the last two thousand years. Certainly more more pervasive today.
I think it's about either personal desires. You know, CF had said earlier, you mentioned that the sexual revolution where people became more concerned about, you know, making gratifying their their own lust and pleasures. And then they did that in the name of freedom. And I think we see that often today because of what's on television or the Internet. But I would argue that rather than seeking freedom, you're becoming a slave.
And the only true freedom in in my opinion is accepting Jesus Christ as your lord and savior. Unfortunately, I think people have drifted away either because they don't have those influences in their life, they're hanging out with the wrong people, or they're more concerned about that personal gratification. See, if I turn it back over to you for that one, if you like.
Catholic Frequency : I would just say Finity, and we're gonna go to Michael here in just a few seconds. You know, you're that example. Right? You you might have young friends and none of them believe in God, but they're gonna see that you do through your first of all, your actions more than than your words. You can't evangelize someone unless you have a relationship.
I mean, you can stand on the street corner and say, you know, everybody's going to hell if you don't change. That's not gonna be that effective as if you have a relationship with somebody and they see that you live a life of virtue and they see that you're happy and you're you don't have to turn to what the world offers to be satisfied, that's gonna speak volumes. And that takes time. They they don't see it just one time. You did the right thing last Thursday.
You held the door open for somebody. You know, they have to watch that over time. And, so I would encourage you to be that example. Yeah. Freedom today, unfortunately, is valued more than truth.
In the past, people sought the truth. What is truth? Even Pontius Pilate wanted to know, now it's freedom and I'm gonna bend the truth to fit my freedom. I'm a man, but I'm really a woman or or whatever. Just ridiculous, ridiculous things.
Michael, how are you?
Guest 3 : I am well. Thank you so much. And it's great, as always, to hear you, ladies and gentlemen. You and I have have spoken before and we both know we come from military backgrounds. And that is kind of the lead in what is what to ask him in the military kind of.
I would say etiquette is a formalized very much by the numbers sort of thing, which works for the military. The military is very mission oriented. We have a very specific job to do in a way that we need to do it. So it makes sense that almost almost everything in the military is kind of geared that way. But once you get out into the civilian world, how do you avoid etiquette kind of becoming a by the numbers thing?
In other words, how do you embrace it without just kind of going through the motions of it?
Ways of a Gentleman : Yeah. I think it go kinda goes back to, you know, you're you're not gonna know the etiquette of every situation. You know, few few people do, right, unless you're Emily Post. But I think it's about, you know, making sure that you're making others relaxed. You know, a lot of people don't know proper etiquette for a number of different things.
But if you could make it make them feel relaxed, you're doing everything in a respectful manner. I think by and large, you're you're you're going to probably exercise the proper etiquette if you do those things. Now there's some some things that are just pretty basic, but I I go back to putting others before yourself is probably one of the greatest forms of etiquette there is. Right? Whether it, be serving your guests before yourself, opening the door for someone else so they can enter before you.
But that that sincere type of gratitude and respect for others, I think, will go a long ways to to just about any form of etiquette. There's so much more to being a gentleman than just, you know, the rules of etiquette or or good manners. And, just carrying yourself with pride and with dignity, and then being respectful of other people. If we do those things, I think we're gonna all be successful, ladies and gentlemen. And please, if you have not already, would greatly appreciate a follow and, both on x and my Substack, but both are under the name, The Ways of a Gentleman.
Catholic Frequency : We hope you've enjoyed this conversation with The Ways of a Gentleman on the Catholic Frequency podcast. Visit our website at catholicfrequency.com. There, you can find links to everything we do, and you can also sign up for our free newsletter because every week, we send out a free Catholic devotional, and we hope you'll enjoy that. Also, be sure to follow our podcast on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. That way, you'll be notified every time we release a new episode.

Individual notes

15 cards

Each original-site note is its own card. Drag and drop to reorder.

Note 1

Note 2

Note 3

Note 4

Note 5

Note 6

Note 7

Note 8

Note 9

Note 10

Note 11

Note 12

Note 13

Note 14

Note 15

Cancel